remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
