there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
