No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
