I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
