Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
