hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
