dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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