hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
