Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
