UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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