His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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