Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
