You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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