I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
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Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
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I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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