my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
