I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
