hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
smell my finger.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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