my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
