It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
