so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
