That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
