i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
