I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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