We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
