Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
