Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
