the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
