So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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