I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
