dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
