I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
