I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Text me some of your sweat
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
