i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
