I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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