You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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