Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
