it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
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Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
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I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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