can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Soap is not a condiment
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
