You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
