Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
