I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
