dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
