i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
