Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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