that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Farmville is her only friend.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
