does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
