if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
