can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
