Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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