Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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