so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
