i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
