she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I supernannyed him into submission
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
