yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
