i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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