Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
