I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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