u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
