Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
