I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
