guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
