i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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