Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
