do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
