That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
