I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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