I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
