Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
