I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
