Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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