I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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