there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
